Well a week has passed and nothing much has changed other than Mike's blood numbers. They have taken the expected nosedive and have yet to make any improvement. Mike hasn't been able to keep anything down for a week now. There seems to be little anyone can do, the hospital certainly don't seem to be bothering to try. Mike is all alone in a room by himself, I have tried to get to see him most days since last Tuesday, but my stay is limited to just a few hours, the travelling to and from takes around four hours if I have to use public transport, and I can't always get a dog sitter. I can't get to see him today, my plans had to be changed at the last minute. It is all so frustrating.
It was around day 8 last time that Mike truly went downhill, I'm scared that when I visit tomorrow he'll be even worse than he was yesterday. Well meaning people tell me not to worry, that they will be taking good care of him and can't we Skype or talk on the phone. Mike is in no fit state to talk to anyone. He doesn't open his eyes while I am there, I question if he even really knows I visit.
There's lots of cheer leading from people on the sidelines, telling me it will all be forgotten in a few weeks / months and Mike will soon be back to normal. They forget that our normal is dialysis five days a week and there is very little joy to be had in that.
I'm not a quitter, so I'm not going to pack my bags and leave him to it, but I do find myself feeling unloved and unappreciated as a wife, I'm just the live in carer these days. 😢ðŸ˜
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I know people mean well, that they don't to hurt but sometimes we don't need cheerleaders. We need someone to sit with you and take your hand and acknowledge what you are going through right now. Yes, he may do better in a few weeks but this time right now is so difficult for both of you.
ReplyDeleteUntil those better days come, I give you my hand. I'm holding space for you.