The Doldrums

It's that time of year when life seems to be stuck in a rut. It didn't used to be this way. When the kids were younger and I worked in a school, July was the month of endings and excitement. Year 6 frantically preparing their leavers assembly, the final days of being the big kids dwindling away. The long Summer Holidays ahead, a break away from it all, at least 4 weeks without having to think about "school". There were the new beginnings to look forward to when September arrived. The kids are now all grown up and I no longer have the school terms and the holidays to regulate my life. I miss my old life, but I don't miss the groups of unruly kids.

The wedding, and all it's excitement, already feels months away, but it's only been three weeks. I feel deflated like the balloons that never made it to the reception. We're frantically trying to save our pennies to fund our Great Australian Adventure, so despite needing a new project to occupy my tiny mind, there aren't the funds to waste. Mike potters around cutting the hedge and fixing the car (ours or one of the boy's cars usually need some attention) while I potter after him tidying up the mess. Life is bogged down with the mundane and humdrum tasks like washing. I should be looking forward to the festival in August, but I just can't find the spark.

I've got Mike and I love him dearly, but I realise on days like today, when he goes off somewhere without me, that I am so darn lonely and lost. Mike is my harbour and without him I'm a ship without a port, stuck in the doldrums, wishing for a breath of air to catch my sails and take me home.