It is extremely conceited of me, but I like to think that on the whole I have been like Glinda, a good witch. I certainly tried to do everything I could to help and support Mike during his treatment.
Today however I feel more like the wicked witch.
Mike has gone off to the hospital to have his Hb checked and I have stayed at home. It is the first time I have voluntarily not gone to the hospital with him. I do feel guilty, but in reality, what is the point of me sitting there for hours, only for us to be told the same thing as three weeks ago? I do worry about the fact he feels he needs a transfusion yet again, it is only two weeks since his last one. Does it mean his SCT was a failure? Are we about to start the roller-coaster ride of treatment again? May be those worries are the very reason I chose not to go today. If when we see SB in two weeks time he tells us Mike has got to go back treatment, we're both going to be spending a lot more time back at NX.
I'm sure some of you will understand that I need some me time before that happens. I love him dearly, but I have put certain areas of my life on hold. We drive when Mike doesn't feel up to walking, take lifts instead of stairs. My health and fitness have both suffered and I'm just starting to take control of them again. I need more time to build myself up both physically and emotionally. For those times when it suits him, I know Mike is seriously ill and for those times when he is feeling great, together we will conqueor the world.
