Taboo too.

The one thing that never seems to be discussed in the various support groups is intimacy. I'm not asking for a blow by blow (if you'll pardon the pun) account of other people's moments of intimacy, but I do think we all ignore the issue. During the various stages of disease and its treatment there are obviously times when even lying next to the person you love is pretty much impossible, when it is simply too painful. When tempers are frayed due the strain of dex mood swings, lack of sleep and the varied reactions and emotions of being told there is something seriously wrong. I guess couples find their own way through it all, or do I just imagine they all do whilst I struggle? 

For what seems a lifetime now (probably six months) Mike has been suffering terrible bouts of cramp, not little cramps, but scream the house down cramps. Moving his head sent his neck into spasm. His hands contorted themselves into strange forms. The simple act of hugging became a minefield. We've done the tell each other that they are loved, but I have missed just being able to hold his hand or hug him. Only last night he woke me in agony. Hopefully the dialysis will eventually sort them out, if they are the fault of the kidneys as the experts believe.

Today's procedure of course will add to the tale of woe short-term. Mike's left arm is going to be painful for a while so no hugging with that. He currently has two large tubes poking out just below his right shoulder, so no putting my head there. In fact I have no shoulder to cry on and no arms to hug me better. 

All of the above should improve with time. Time heals all they say, I just hope it hurries up.