Danish Blue or Red Leicester

Well after several attempts with the wonder stuff "Press and Seal" that my good friend Paula sent me, I at last felt confident enough to slide down far enough into the bath water to soak my pits.
Lorna: "aghhhh...don't do that! you'll get your line wet!"
Me: I've got to....... it's been 5 weeks!
Lorna: It'll only be a couple more weeks..... 2 months at best!
It will be vintage Cheddar at this rate.

Nothing like a Dame

Just when I'd collected up my charger, earphones, earplugs, laptop, bright green jim-jams, 341 pairs of pants and a copy of Woman's Weekly,( don't tell Victoria Wood ) my holiday gets put back cause there is congestion on the approach.
I rang ward 5 at the allotted time this morning of 10am only to be told that there are no beds available.... well might be at 12pm after holiday rep has been round and sent a few home.
Most likely to be sent home are the ladies apparently, which doesn't help me cause I'm a man. I suggested to the Rep on the phone that I have a mean Tina Turner outfit and that if I did my special walk, the ladies would be confused enough to not notice what I was, especially if they gave me the holiday cocktail quickly to get rid of the whiskers. I'm British, I like queues. Not my favourite hol destination anyway, not enough beach and too much salty water.
"Toni, will you stop looking at me like that!" I'll go and leave her and mommy in peace when I'm ready and not when the dog is sat there looking smug!
Oh well, looks like a few more days of anticipation, angst and alcohol !