For me the grief has side effects. The biggest problem for me right now is anxiety. During the first week after Mike's death I phoned everyone, I felt in control and confident. The second week became more difficult as time went on and now as I enter the third week I am so terrified I struggle to answer my own phone, even when I know who is calling, I don't have a hope of making a call out.
People have started asking me my plans. Am I going to take a holiday? Am I going to get a job? What are my plans for the house? Hang on I'll ask Mike, oh I can't. PANIC!!!!!! You wouldn't believe there is a strong independent woman in there somewhere, she seems to have left the scene along with her beloved Mike. I know people mean well with their advice, but the reality is that I need an adult to take my life over for a while. I feel like a scared child lost in the woods, surrounded by big trees that all look the same. I am anxious about leaving the house, but anxious about being alone. The person Mike thought would help most is dealing with their own grief in the way that best suits them (carry on as if nothing has happened) and they very much expect me to stand on my own two feet when I can barely stand. I've asked them to help me but they say they can't.
Mike would know what to do.
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Oh Lorna I wish I was in a position to be the Adult that you need. You are a strong independent woman but have just lost the love of your life, your soulmate. It’s too early for making plans and too early for people to be asking those questions. Take each minute as it comes, then each hour then each day. You are a wonderful lovely lady whose life has changed for ever and that is so unfair. Don’t give up writing either on your blog or if not here maybe write privately in a journal. Love you lots xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Wendy. xxx
DeleteLorna, don't take it personally. I don't think they will be dealing with it in the way that best suits them. Or that they are pretending it hasn't happened. Their grief is probably consuming them, they may not know how to deal with it or how to help. Grief is a terrible thing that affects people in different ways. Like you they may not know where to turn.....or are unable to help as they can't help them selves. Does that person, whoever it may be, have help and support? Instead of asking for help could you help each other?
ReplyDeleteYou don’t have to make any plans. It’s such early days still. Take each one as it comes, and don’t forget to breathe! I wish I could help... Still thinking of you every day xxx
ReplyDeleteI know I don't Debbie, it is others who think I should. :(
DeleteBugger everyone else for now, just slowly go through each day, have you good days, have your bad days, its not easy been back on your own, not easy dealing with sadness, depression and anxiety... For each bad day, try to make the next day more positive, then have another bad day... It's all you can do mate... It will all settle eventually and you will start to see tiny rays of hope and happiness again, just don't expect them everyday. Text me if ever you want some company okay x
ReplyDeleteAll good advice- I feel so sad for you and wish you all the best to get through this rough time. Don't worry about the advice, well- meaning but not helpful, I think it's because people just don't know what to say often. Look after yourself and just do what you feel like and if the anxiety gets too much then talk to your doctor, don't try and deal with it alone. It will pass eventually although it doesn't feel like that now .
ReplyDeleteHoney, it's just one day at a time. Don't try to answer all the questions or make all the plans. It will all unfold it is meant to do and one day you will wake up and be able to feel alive again. Hugs.
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