I am having a bad day. Even before Mike starting discussing his funeral plans I was emotional and tearful. I have been spending too much time looking at old photographs of Mike, photos taken just after we met, photos of holidays together, photos of our wedding. Time takes its toll on us all, but the it isn't just time that has stolen away his youthful appearance. Mike is a shadow of himself both physically and mentally. He no longer laughs the way he once did, he doesn't laugh at all. He no longer says he loves me, he can barely look at me these days. I can read the anger and frustration in his face, he has every right to be cross with life, I just wish that anger didn't spill over onto me.
A question to you all. Should I continue to write this blog detailing the last few months or should I leave it unfinished?
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I guess it's really up to you and Mike, not us. Is it helpful to you and Mike?
ReplyDeleteIf it gives you any comfort at all you should continue. We all need to purge sometimes whatever the medium. I'm sorry that Mike really doesn't seem to have caught a break in this whole journey. We caregivers know that our time with our loved one is finite, but I know it's so much worse when the time you have is never "quality" time. I wish peace and comfort for you both.
ReplyDeleteGosh, Lorna, while those of us who have been followers all this time want to know how you both are managing the end-game, caring so much, it isn't really up to us. What will give you some comfort? What will help you know that you are not all alone in the process? I will be holding space for both of you, but especially for you, as you navigate these uncharted waters. Blessings, dear one.
ReplyDeleteAw sweetie - I hadn't checked in on the blog this year until now. Personally, I found the exercise of writing it all down really helpful. Even now, years later I am glad that I did it because it helps me remember. And sometimes I want to remember. Take care honey! Just reading on now, to catch up. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you quite a lot recently. I take a great deal of comfort from your adventures on Instagram. Life goes on whilst we remember. xx
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