Sunday, 9 June 2013


You look at the clock and remember where you were a week, a month, a year ago. I remember we were in Liverpool a year ago. I remember we held a very special lady's hand all night long and watched over her while her true love snatched a few hours rest.  We will never forget how precious those last few hours were, how privileged  we were to share them with Bernard. I know it sounds "wrong" but we both really feel privileged to have been there.  
I cannot begin to express how sad we are going to feel tomorrow, but for tonight we will remember how we felt sitting up all night with Paula. How grateful for life we were as we sat there and how guilty I feel that Bernard, Karen and so many more spouses whose names I will never know, are now alone. In truth the guilt tonight is fleeting, I am proud to say I held Paula's hand, kissed her and told her how much I loved her. I also told her how much I was going to miss her. 

I still do.


  1. Lorna - This is my second try at posting. My first post seems to have disappeared. You are so fortunate to have met Paula and especially to have spent some of those last hours with her. There are many of us who wish we had the same privilege. And tomorrow, many of us will be thinking about Paula and saying prayers fro Bernard, Buddy and the rest of Paula's family.

  2. my dear lorna and micky,

    my heart goes out to you both on the eve of the day sweet paula died. i know that you loved her dearly, and this whole year of grieving has been so terribly difficult and sad. paula was so fortunate to have you by her side, to hold her hand and be such a loving presence as she was slipping from the bonds of this life. and surely she knew you were there and was at peace knowing your kindness and love were falling upon her heart, easing her way, and knowing you would help her dear bernard in any way possible.

    lorna, you have given me such support - and i FEEL the good thoughts you send to me. i am so grateful for every expression of your sympathy and compassion, and though i have never met you, i feel the connection we have made and i treasure it. remember, dear friend, that hearts that connect know each other no matter the distance, the time or the circumstance. i will be remembering paula tomorrow, too, and thinking of bernard, their family, and of you and micky. i send you waves and waves of the light of love to ease your aching heart and find your way.

    love, XOXO,


  3. I too thought of Paula, Bernard and Buddy and was reminded of the numbers of MM friends I have had to say goodbye to in the five years I've been so closely aware of the disease... grateful for the light that represents each one of these special people and to have known them at all is wondrous. I hope if you are in contact with Bernard you will let him know he is in my heart energy for comfort... as are you two.