Cottoning on

I would like to say that this post was about a marvellous piece of sewing, but it's not. In fact I have sold my old machine on eBay and it is being collected over the weekend. 

I would like to say I have knitted a wonderful cotton top, but the knitting is still sitting in a bag under the coffee table, untouched for quite some time.

It isn't even about a cotton-tailed rabbit, which is just as well as Toni would have put paid to it by now. 

No today is our cotton wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary darling, your cotton socks are in the post. 

If you didn't laugh you'd cry.

I know I'm 50 next week, but I still reckon Boots are taking the p....

One thing is for sure, Paula would have howled with laughter at my expense. 

Memories.

You look at the clock and remember where you were a week, a month, a year ago. I remember we were in Liverpool a year ago. I remember we held a very special lady's hand all night long and watched over her while her true love snatched a few hours rest.  We will never forget how precious those last few hours were, how privileged  we were to share them with Bernard. I know it sounds "wrong" but we both really feel privileged to have been there.  
I cannot begin to express how sad we are going to feel tomorrow, but for tonight we will remember how we felt sitting up all night with Paula. How grateful for life we were as we sat there and how guilty I feel that Bernard, Karen and so many more spouses whose names I will never know, are now alone. In truth the guilt tonight is fleeting, I am proud to say I held Paula's hand, kissed her and told her how much I loved her. I also told her how much I was going to miss her. 

I still do.

When life gives you lemons.......

....... Make limoncello! 

Mike and I are off to a rather special birthday bash in July so being extremely good guests we decided to go down armed with a lashings of home made limoncello and mountains of cakes. The cakes can't be be made this far in advance, but the same cannot be said for limoncello!

By the time the party arrives in July there will be a gallon of limoncello ready to be bottled. The good news is that it keeps for a couple of years, so if it doesn't all get drunk we will be able to keep it until Christmas.

Now what sort of cake? 

Jumping June

Now where on earth did the last 5 months go? June is upon us and what a busy month it is going to be. I just hope the weather starts to improve. I think everyone feels so much better when the sun is shining. It doesn't have to be a heatwave for me, just nice to have the sun on my face while I walk Toni and do odd jobs outside. 

I am also going to try (yet again) to blog more frequently. Luckily with so much going on I should manage to think of something to say.

Mike and I have a new hobby, eBay and car boots. There's nothing better than selling something that you thought no one else would want, although I usually wish I hadn't sold the item when I actually come to wrap it. If you've seen the TV programmes about hoarders you'll know how compulsive hoarding can be. I'm not at that stage quite, but I can empathise with them. 

Today I have sold this: 

A rather fetching green vase. I just hope I can let it go when it's new owner collects it later.

Awkward pause.

Awkward. That is how I feel about being an in-law in the myeloma family. Mike is well and we try to live as normally as possible, well as normal as Mike ever is. Mike's remission isn't the only reason though.

It has been creeping up on me over the last nine months or so, a sense that I don't belong. It is a very touchy and tricky situation when the people you want to support make it clear in their blogs they don't want help, sympathy, empathy, comparisons or advice, especially from someone who is only the partner of a myeloma sufferer / victim / patient / host? Even the label we use is open to ferocious debate. They are of course entitled to say whatever they want, it is after all their Myeloma journey / fight / battle. I get the anger, I'd be mad too if I was under 50 and diagnosed with something incurable. I wish there was a phrase book that I could use so I don't offend, I wish they could all agree on an acceptable term, but just as each person's myeloma is unique to them, so is their response and the terminology they prefer to hear.

One blogger Alex had quite a bit to say on the subject and I have to confess it has left me not saying anything much any more. How can I comment on Deborah's pain? What do I say to Wendy about her test results? 

It's easy to comment on the blogs of people who aren't touched by the big M, or who are themselves looking out for a loved one, but increasingly difficult otherwise. So if I have said anything to offend anybody out there I am truly sorry.

Go jump off a bridge!

Or not as the case may be. Mike spotted last week that Myeloma UK are holding a sponsored abseil off the Forth Rail Bridge to raise funds. It turns out that his family used to visit relatives in Edinburgh and as a child he had always wanted to go up there rather than stand at the bottom and watch the man painting it on his little seat on a rope. So Mike of course called them up and asked if he could, as a Myeloma patient, take part. The nice lady on the other end of the phone said "oh, well, I'm not sure whether it is advisable or not. I'll have to speak to a colleague and call you back." A minute later he got a call saying that if he signed a disclaimer and got a letter from his consultant then yes he could take part.  

It just so happened that yesterday afternoon Mike had an appointment to see the rather marvellous Dr SB so after the pleasantries of everything is still under control and you are doing better than I expected (the later more implied than said) Mike raised the issue of the letter. I'll skip the conversation that followed and simply say Dr SB won't be dictating to his secretary any time soon.  He did say "can't you find a safer way to raise money? Surely there has got to be an easier way?"

Mike reckons he just wants to keep his favourite guinea pig alive, which I wholeheartedly agree with.