Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Christmas is coming!

I know that statement is a tad obvious, but yesterday I made my Christmas cake. I didn't bother last year as I seemed to be the only person to eat it previous years. The idea of Christmas has me jumping about like a kid, I am enjoying the build up, knowing that the actual day will be tinged with sadness, okay a lot of sadness. I miss my kids on Christmas Day more than any other day of the year. The being woken at 5 in the morning to be asked if it was time to open presents, the excited looks on their faces. The fun and games, the TV was banned. We had a very relaxed "eat what you like" policy, no slaving over a hot oven, a large buffet of food was laid out and everyone just helped themselves to what they fancied. Times change, I know that. One is working, two have new families who they spend the day with, one is far away and the last can't decide where she wants to be. I just hope I can get them all together for the now traditional "Italian Extravaganza". I won't bore you all again with the details, you can read about it here or even here

Mike says the same thing every year, "let's spend next Christmas somewhere sunny" and every year we have the same discussion about what I should cook! This year it will be turkey and all the trimmings. We invited one of Mike's oldest friends and his new wife over for Christmas Day. We didn't want him spending another one feeling so depressed he wont even get out of bed! 

Talking of Mike I was very remiss in not updating the blog on his discharge from hospital last week. He seems to be on the mend, he is certainly a lot better than he was even last week when he came home. 

I hope you don't mind me boring you all dear readers with my Christmas preparations, Mike is sick of listening to me already!!! :)

My fantastic 5

Sunday, 1 November 2015

Happy All Hallows Day

I have never celebrated this time of year. Not as a child or even with my own children. It is only recently that the children in the area have started to trick or treat. A few managed to catch me in between visits to the hospital, I suspect a great many more called while I was out.

Mike is slowly getting better, the antibiotics took a while to kick in and at one point they wondered if it was a viral or fungal pneumonia rather than bacterial. His blood pressure has returned to normal, he now has to try and get the IV fluids they pumped into to him back off during his regular dialysis. 

I really can't complain about my lot, there are others who are far worse off. Still, I find the loneliness difficult to cope with, I have my online friends, people who send me lovely messages of support, but few who are close enough to hug. My disappointment in my own children is difficult to deal with, especially as I have always been there for them.

Thursday, 29 October 2015

Lonely old dog lady.

I practically have a crystal ball. I am going to be one of those batty old ladies with a pack of dogs, well a couple at least. I'll have no friends as no-one will want to visit my house as it stinks of dog. The only people I ever meet will be other dog owners and even then it will be a cursory "good morning" as we pass in the park. All my pension will be spent on toys and clothing for my dogs, oh and the occasional bottle of gin, "mother's ruin" you know!

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Further news

I am back from visiting Mike. They have moved him from Accident and Emergency to a proper ward and his "abdo." pain has been diagnosed as pneumonia, which is what we said it could be this morning!

Mike is relatively comfortable, I have taken him a new pair of jim-jams (his usual ones have long sleeves no good for cannula or dialysis access) , new slippers (why does he never have any when hospital beckons?) and his own feather pillow. He is on a high dose of codeine so he's nice and drowsy! 

His BP is still very low, but they are reluctant to pump anymore fluid into him for fear of doing more damage as his kidneys can't process it.

I'm going to settle down this evening with a good book, a gin and tonic and just relax, I need it.

Wet salty tears.

That's what I have right now rolling down my face. I had hoped that the first blog entry in months would have been done by Mike, with tales of daring-do. I spoiled that last night. I was going to delete the entry, but I have decided it is more valuable as a record of just how desperate things can get. 

The tears are also tears of guilt, I have had to leave Mike in the hospital. Mike had arranged for something to be collected today, I said cancel, he insisted I come home and deal with it. Just as well as I was starving. Mike has been admitted with what the doctor is calling abdo. pain but what Mike says is pain in his ribs. Hey ho, you say to-may-to and I say to-mah-to. His blood pressure is extremely low for him and so despite his usual reluctance they have him on very slow IV fluids, Tazocin and painkillers. He managed to get Entonox in the ambulance, which he thoroughly enjoyed. 

I was a bad caregiver last night. I gave him paracetamol and a bottle of water and went to sleep. How did I know it wasn't just man 'flu?!? :)

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Too much to handle.

I don't know what happened but I want my life back. The life I had before kidney failure came along and spoilt things. Five days a week are spent doing home dialysis. Five days of me doing my best and Mike desperately trying to let me. It is difficult trusting an untrained person with your life.
I want my life back. I want Mike's life back. We don't have a life anymore.
Tonight Mike is ill, a simple virus. It's the straw that has broken this camel's back.

Saturday, 22 August 2015

21st Century Garden August 2015

A day late I know. The garden seems to have become a tangled mass of weeds and plants that have gone to seed, I know how they feel. The weather has been unpredictable at best, it usually rains on the days when I'm not busy doing other things. I might be making excuses too, I've been in a not gardening place. :(

There is some produce to see however:

Yes that's an apple, one of two which magically appeared! 

The peas have got a second wind, while the beans are intent on world domination.

 The sunflowers we planted are almost as tall, they add a splash of colour and hopefully will provide Autumn food for the birds. 

 Talking of wildlife, it seems a rather enthusiastic leaf cutter bee has taken a couple of rooms in the bee hotel. 

The leaves are now turning brown.
I seem to be flower mad this year, the snap dragons are beautiful and popped up in a whole range of colours. 

This morning I captured a bee visiting. 
Flight of the bee!