Respite

Mike is in the respiratory ward this evening. They want to do some investigations, once he has had some platelets. I am glad of the peace and quiet. The constant coughing and breathlessness has a dripping tap effect, it can send a person crazy over months and months.

Top blowing.

Weeks of worry. Sleep deprivation. Unhelpful remarks. Too ill to help. Christmas preparations. Must be normal. Don't tell people I'm not very well. Let's pretend. No presents ready. Christmas Day menu. We've got to have. Too much food not yet bought. Final straw. Spilled drink. Toni playing. I shout at dog. "I'll clean it up tomorrow." I blow my top. Say things I shouldn't. "That'll make a change." "Haven't moved for months." Sleep in separate rooms. Still not talking. Just keep walking.