Tuesday, 13 April 2010

If you are not a carer DO NOT look.

Like I said if you are not a carer navigate away.

I'm telling you it's not for the sufferer.

You have been warned, this is you last chance.

OK you asked for it.


It's quite simple really, I'm not sure how I am ever going to cope! Let me explain. Before Mike was diagnosed it was him that did all the gardening, not because I didn't want to, but because my poor back just cannot cope with more than a very short period of bending (my own fault having had 5 kids.) For now that task has fallen upon my shoulders. I desperately want to do it properly and get my garden looking nice, but like I said after 30 minutes I'm in such agony that I end up sitting on the ground crying with frustration, angry at myself and at the myeloma for taking my gardener away. I'm tired and torn. On the one hand I want to do all I can to help Mike, but when that means running up and down stairs fetching and carrying, well quite frankly enough is enough, my back hurts, my joints are playing me up and yes I'm fatigued too!

Mike is convinced that once his SCT is over he will be as good as new, or better even! He imagines that once he is recovered he will be able to run a marathon, go down the gym three times a week, have perfect abs. etc. It reminds me of the old, old joke:
Can I play the piano once these are off?
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

I think you get the picture!


  1. Listen very carefully: do NOT injure your back trying to dig the effing garden, Lorna! Seriously, it is SO easily done and I did it myself when my FL was first ill. Much better idea: recruit the local boy scouts or similar and pay them an agreed sum - they are bound to be findraising for something. Keep it simple - just the weeding. Reserve the non-bending tasks for yourself - gentle pruning, throwing seeds at the bare bits. But do NOT do what I did. There is nothing more exhausting than a nagging back pain ... as Micky can probably tell you! And you need some reserves of energy to look after him!

  2. Absolutely pay someone else to do the gardening. Your local council may run a subsidised scheme. Ours dose.
    Carers so often forget their own needs. It's very hard to ask for help, but you must.

  3. I know. The emotional burdens and the physical burdens... together they are overwhelming. Caregivers need our own caregivers. I'm in agreement with Roobeedoo-- hire some help and then go take a nap. =) XOXO

  4. I second that advice BIG TIME. I ended up with a
    bulging disc for 5 months pulling out a small shrub before Tim's diagnosis and spent the first
    few months of this MM journey in agony myself.
    I twinged my back a bit again helping him 2 weeks
    ago when his back was toast and my do-do bird of a husband went out last week the day before we left on vacation to pull grass out of the beds and
    made his just barely recovering back worse again.
    See if ya can get it done reasonably enough.

  5. Nonsense, take a couple of painkillers and get on with it! Then come and do mine! :o)

    I have, touch wood, loads of energy, although obviously I won't be running any marathons, but then again I never wanted to! This time last year I could hardly walk and one of the neighbours only said at weekend that he didn't think he'd ever see me looking so well again!

    So until Mike is fit and able again just tell people you're opening a nature reserve or applying for one of those fallow land allowances from the Government.

  6. I agree with the above sentiments.

    When we, your world-wide cyber friends, think about you, we think about Mike AND Lorna. Your blog title says it all - Our Loma! Unfortunately MM has set of realities associated with it. Some of the things that were important to us, get set aside, replaced, removed. Maybe the gardening is one of them, maybe not, it's your call. But is it worth in either the short or long run if you get hurt? There are a lot of opportunities that you can show that you're part Superwoman, but is this it? Again your call.

    When I was diagnosed and in miserable condition, I had to swallow my pride and ask some friends for help with my hilly, 5 acre yard. As it turns out, they were so grateful to help us, to be asked to do something that they could do. It actually gave them some peace, some solace. They loved me (and my family) and were saddened that they couldn't make the Myeloma go away. But mow a yard, pull a weed, trim a bush - they did these things cheerfully.

    Whichever way you approach this, aside from injuring yourself, it is NOT weakness. This is your creativity and intelligence attacking one of the many challenges you'll face. You'll do the right thing! Really don't mean to be preaching, not so good at it.

    Hugs from across the pond! Sean M.

    PS - Your note made me smile about Lizzie bending it like Beckham! Thanks!