I can hardly believe it is almost a month since I last blogged. While the time seems to have flown by, every day life has been slow. Despite my son having moved out just before Christmas it has taken until this week to finally finish decorating and furnishing his old room so that my girls can finally have a bedroom each, not bad given that the one is 20 and the other 18. I am such an inadequate mother.
Mike finally seems to have shaken off the chest infection that was followed by a bad throat (touch wood!) and is feeling more like his normal self.
The lack of progress on the various projects I have started frustrates me. The cause and effect of the frustration is my old foe depression. I achieve nothing, I get depressed, the depression paralyses me and I achieve nothing. I have struggled with depression all my adult life. Often it arrives for no apparent reason and I can work my way through various methods until it lifts. The real problem is when it arrives for a reason outside of my control like now. Financial worries are wide spread, and there are others far worse off, I know. I can say it to you all, but in reality right now I only care about me, Mike and my girls. Yet I can do nothing, I am paralysed by the fear of losing everything. My head is frantically trying to work out a solution and at the same time trying to bury itself in the sand. While others are busy writing out their bucket lists of wonderful things they want to do I am writing out a list of how I can save money in order to keep a roof over my head and food in the cupboard. OK it hasn't quite got to that stage yet, but it might do soon.
I just hope the lottery ticket I bought wins tomorrow.